The Familiar World

(Found here)

“A man leaves the safe haven of his familiar world. And even if his home be a difficult place, even though it be a place of slavery, he experiences it as his own. It is knowable, the dangers identifiable. In the desert all certainties fall away. He feels his weakness as never before. There are joys and consolations, but during the periods when these withdraw and desolations take their place, he feels more helpless than ever. He asks himself, ‘Is there truly a Promised Land? And if there is a Promised Land, will I ever find it? And if I do find it, am I fit to live in such a glorious country? No, I am not fit in any way’, he says to himself.”

. . . “Then comes the dark temptation. Not lust, though lust presents itself. Not murderous emotions, though they also arise. Not fear, though it too seeks to overwhelm. Now comes the subtlest and most dangerous temptation of all, the archenemy—pride. Because he has made the amazing discovery that he is unworthy of the Promised Land, because he has not lived up to his own expectations of what a spiritual man should be, he is angry or he is discouraged. Disguised beneath his anger or despair is a presumption—a belief that he, surely, should be capable of doing what is needed to inherit the Promised Land! But because he has seen how incapable he really is, he rejects the promise itself. Now he wishes to go back to Egypt, to the land of bondage, where at least there is enough to eat, where there is some reassuring order to his life. After all, when he was in chains, he was not lost. He knew his place in the world. If he obeyed his master and asked no questions, he was always safe. He did not have to face the dark places.”
~Michael O’Brien (from The Father’s Tale: A Novel)