It Would Be Easier to Pray if I Were Clear

O Eternal One, it would be easier for me to pray
    if I were clear
        and of a single mind and a pure heart;
    if I could be done hiding from myself
        and from You, even in my prayers.
But, I am who I am,
    mixture of motives and excuses,
        blur of memories,
            quiver of hopes,
    knot of fear,
        tangle of confusion,
            and restless with love, for love.
I wander somewhere between
    gratitude and grievance,
        wonder and routine,
            high resolve and undone dreams,
                generous impulses and unpaid bills.
Come, find me, Lord.

~Ted Loder